Teenagers: Talking With Them About Tough Issues
Talking about tough issues is important! 1
Parents have a responsibility to provide guidance and support to their children as they face new experiences and prepare to meet new challenges. Some of these challenges may be positive and help children and youth to develop new life skills. Others may result in harm and may even prevent them from reaching their full potential.
Today's youth are receiving information on a variety of issues. Youth are also bombarded with a wide range of messages from their social and cultural environments in addition to the messages and values that their parents are presenting to them. These can include messages from peers, school, media (including television, movies, internet, radio, magazines and newspapers), and the community in which they live.
Among the messages that are communicated to youth, either directly or indirectly, are those that present various lifestyle choices. Some of these involve risk-taking behaviours such as smoking, drinking alcohol, using illegal drugs, gambling, and involvement in sexual activity. For many parents, talking to their children about these issues can be uncomfortable or difficult. Our level of comfort can be affected by our own personal experiences, our values, our attitudes or beliefs about certain behaviours, the way in which our parents communicated (or did not communicate) about such issues, and our level of understanding or information about certain issues.
Some Guidelines
The following have been determined to be effective guidelines for parents wanting to communicate with their children about tough issues: 2, 3, 4, 5
- start early to create an open environment in which to talk
- listen carefully - this will ensure that the message is clearly heard and it will build self-esteem
- provide clear, consistent and age-appropriate information
- clearly state expectations regarding risk-taking behaviour - this will communicate your values
- take questions and concerns seriously - do not laugh or minimize as this may humiliate or embarrass the child
- use everyday opportunities to talk
- don't wait until something has happened - youth need information before making decisions
- youth would rather receive information from their parents if they are comfortable talking - if parents don't provide information, youth may get it from an unreliable source
- parents do not have to be the experts - it is okay to say "I don't know, but we can find out together"
1 Adapted from Huyter, E. Annette (2003). MAKING CHOICES - TAKING RISKS: The Adolescent Experience. A publication of Addiction Prevention & Treatment Services, Capital Health, Halifax, Nova Scotia p. 36
2 How to talk to your kids about anything: 10 tips for talking with kids about tough issues. from http://www.talking with kids.org/first.html
3 Fisher, E.K. (1997). Talking with your teen. from http://www.colostate.edu/Depts/CoopExt/GPA/teenlk.htm.
4 Silliman, B. (2001). Family strengths for keeping children drug-free. Wyoming: University of Wyoming.
5 Partnership for a Drug-Free America. (2002). Getting the conversation going. from http://www.drugfreeamerica.org
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